To the beloved Governor Mark Sanford:
You have given us all quite a fright in the last few days. First you become mired in a bitter battle with the South Carolina State Legislature over the allocation of federal stimulus funds. Then you disappear without notifying friends, family or staff about your whereabouts. Finally, you emerge from a last-minute trip you made to Argentina.
Either you’ve been watching too many soap operas, or some very serious stuff has been going on. Whatever the case, over the last week and a half, you have thoroughly blown my mind.
It didn’t bother me that you left without calling. It didn’t bother me that you left without clearly handing over your powers to an interim authority. What bothered me is that you left over Father’s Day without saying anything to your children.
Was that paisley tie that you knew your kids had gotten for you enough to send you over the edge? I know that you really wanted the Pooh Bear tie instead.
To further add to my irritation, your staff proved to be of no help. Amid the constant inquiries and speculation, your staff offered nothing but false information and strategically planned doublespeak. Ultimately, they didn’t even know enough to know that they knew nothing.
So I searched for you, Governor; I searched high and low. Over mountains, through the valleys, to the amber waves of grain. Your staff said to look in the Appalachian Trail; your wife said that you needed some time away from the kids to write. I thought your arbitrary absence was just a self-repressed need to explore the inner depths of your heart and soul in solitude, away from those meddling kids.
Thus, I chalked the whole thing up to a post mid-life crisis. Your Jimmy Hoffa act was really just a Henry David Thoreau thing. You hadn’t been chopped up and run through a meat grinder by conniving mob dons, you were writing your “Walden.” You were just going out, into the wild, and giving the whole Chris McCandless method the college try.
Granted, Chris McCandless may not be the best parallel. He died after all.
But your staff led everyone astray. You weren’t really hiking the Appalachian Trail, unless that trail happens to extend down to Argentina. And you weren’t really writing anything either. Although, one could say that you were dipping your pen in some ink.
The real story, as it turns out, was that you had gone to Buenos Aires to meet with a woman with whom you were having an extramarital affair. Although I do not condone such actions, I must admit that you’ve conducted your own affair much more skillfully than other politicians. You chose someone who lived outside the country, and you stayed away from Minneapolis bathroom stalls.
Unfortunately, the praise ends there.
Your sudden departure has done irrevocable damage to your party and your future career. Without adequately defining a surrogate that could assume a power transfer in your absence, critical day-to-day business of the state was left in a state of confusion. Law enforcement agencies as well as the national guard of your state were left without a clear authority to report to.
The result kick-started a real-life game of “Where’s Waldo,” but instead of searching for a twenty-something pedophile living in his parent’s basement with an affinity for coke bottle glasses and red and white striped sweaters, we were searching for the governor of a U.S. state.
And so you have returned with the real story of sex, lies and – God help us – no videotape. You have returned to a public that is upset and confused about the elaborate charade you felt was necessary to veil your deception. You have returned from an extended disappearance in Argentina to admit your mistake, which, I guess, makes you a modern day Desaparecido.
For anyone who actually understood that joke, bravo.
Throughout this whole ordeal you’ve put me through, governor, I have just one thing to ask. Why did you lie? Why did you feel that it was necessary to tell everyone that you had left because of conflicts with the Legislature? Why did you tell everyone that you had just gone for a drive on the Argentinean coast?
All right, I’ll concede the last question as half truth. You did do some driving after all.
But what compels people in positions of authority such as yourself to lie to the public you represent? There shouldn’t be any fear of damaging our sensibilities; your indiscretions are nothing new to the realm of politics. You shouldn’t fear the waves of embarrassment that ensue; your position practically mandates it.
What you should have done, Governor Sanford, is admit to your mistake and move on. These last few weeks have tested my patience and my sanity. I fretted over how you had disappeared completely, left me in limbo while I tried to remain optimistic, hoping that everything was in its right place.
But now, with all these aspects coming to light, I fear that our relationship has reached an impossible impasse.
So I’m sorry Governor Sanford, but I’m breaking up with you.
Kyle Citta is a junior English, history, pre-med, pre-law major. Reach him at kylecitta@dailynebraskan.com
United States
Of America
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.
I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners,
My head is a little higher,
My colors a little truer.
I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped - I am saluted.
I am loved - I am revered.
I am respected - and I am feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years. I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appomattox.
I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France,
in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy.
Guam, Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam know me.
I'm presently in the mountains of Afganistan and the hot and dusty deserts of Iraq and wherever freedom is needed.
I led my troops, I was dirty, battleworn and tired,
But my soldiers cheered me and I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled in the streets of my country.
And when it's done by those Whom I've served in battle - it hurts.
But I shall overcome - for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent
at the grave of their fallen son or daughter,
I am proud.
As for more Banking regulation I Whats that mean? That Obama should nationalize our banks? Do something about global warming? I'd like to do something about global warming I'd like more of it in the winter and less of it in the summer but that doesn't mean I caused it or that I can do anything about it.Pulling troops out of Iraq? Even Bush was in favor of doing that.This also leads to a another problem I have with your polling logic for say:
Would most Americans favor single payer medical care if it meant medical rationing, the loss of their freedom to chose a physician a end to new drug research as presently employed, a reduction in the quality of medical care, massive deficit spending, long waits for vital medical treatments and or operations and the prospect of millions that are still uninsured?
Furthermore if Americans have been duped into the leftist hoax of global warming and they have stated that "something must be done about it" would they favor a Cap n Trade initiative with massive increases in utility costs that would be burdened mostly by the poorest, the loss of millions of jobs and a crippled economy resulting in a greater government strangle hold on the economy and big profits for Democrat fat cat supporters?What would be their view on banking regulation if they realized that the cause of the present banking crisis was a lax mortgage market where government pressure to provide mortgages to everyone and a desire by certain members of such government, many of who were democrats, to ignore a out of control mortgage market and also profit from it led to the present collapse?You display the use of polling at its worse: As an instrument of demagoguery designed to manipulate public opinion through deception, distortion and misinformation as a means to bend and shape public support for corrupt and unwise policies.I think you shot your mouth off about this Americans going liberal stuff. You realized you can't support your claims and you are trying to hide your failure with deceit and distortion. Maybe you should see if you can get a job with the Obama administration. They could use someone like you.
I'm asking you Justin: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN? INFORM ME. I don't think you have the foggiest idea what they mean. They are just terms you banter about as a form of hate speech for you to sputter and spew. So tell me what do they mean because unless we understand the terms we do not have a debate just a shouting match between the ignorant. Perhaps thats what you want. I don't think you want a legitimate debate and genuine argument because others would wipe the floor with your sorry ignorant behind. You hatefuly bandy about words Whose meanings are clouded by your overwrought emotionally hateful ignorance. Stop using words you don't understand. It only make you look foolish.
We've already disproven your moronic assertion about the political slant of the American People. Its easy to disprove your silly claims because unlike you we know what we are talking about. We are motivated by love of country and honor not bigotry and hatred like you.
I don't care if you are a democrat or a republican, liberal or conservative you are an American for crying out loud!!!!!! Start acting like Americans not a bunch of fools. This was a nation built by adults not babies. Even children know how to work together why can't, you who claim to be adults, do any better? Grow up, unite and work for freedom or fight like children and always be enslaved. The choice is yoursI pray that God will open your eyes and save the U.S.A
I do appreciate you equating Obama's victory to liberalism since in your own inept way you have managed to imply that liberals are at one with Obama: a ultra radical left wing extremist dedicated to the destruction on America in his narcissistic pursuit of personal power who possesses an overriding desire to create a nation of slaves totally dependent on government. If I'd said that you would have had a conniption fit and done what all lefties do when faced with having to argue facts: have an emotional seizure combined with a tourettical spew of name calling.
As for your depiction of conservatives as rural hayseeds it reminds me of Obama's "bitter clingers" rendition at his fat cat fundraiser in California. I guess when it comes to bigotry, hatred, and ignorance you two have alot in common